Step One: Refuse to Learn Italian
You don’t need to a learn a word of this ugly language, most Italians speak English anyways and you don’t want to be friends with those that don’t. No one is forcing you to listen to Radio Italia 24/7 and it’s to your advantage that you and your mother-in-law can only be physically passive aggressive, verbal arguments are overrated. You don’t care much for inside jokes or for eavesdropping on conversations around you and there’s always Google Translate to fall back on.
Step Two: Only Make Expat Friends OR Only Make Italian Friends
Take it to the extreme and isolate one of the two demographics- to hell with a balanced mix of expat and Italian company, you only want to hang out with expats or with English-speaking Italians. Hanging out with only Italians is the best way to integrate right? You don’t want anything that could possibly remind you of your old life. Or on the other hand, be so nostalgic and homesick that you surround yourself with expats who get all your cultural references and your dirty jokes and talk about your love for Target, frappuccinos and brunch and your hate for the Questura, lack of lines, and bureaucracy. Constant stewing on what you don’t have in your current life is the key to happiness.
Step Three: Compare Yourself to Other Italy-Expats
This is really the way to go in order to see how your expat life in Italy measures up to the global standard. You can see whether your job, house, pet, Vespa is up to snuff with the Rossi’s, this keeping up with the Jones mentality can only leave you feeling great about yourself. Remember that all expats follow the exact same route with the same obstacles and opportunities so it’s easy to compare.
Step Four: Be Inflexible
Don’t adapt! NEVER ADAPT! The country and the situations you find yourself in MUST ADAPT TO YOU and your expectations or needs. Insist on this. Get angry at the system for the way it works and keep trying to do things the “way it is back home”. In fact, use the phrase “back in _____________(insert country of origin)” as many times a day as possible and say it loudly and obnoxiously so everyone is aware that back in _______________, life is so much better than in Italy and that back in ________________, everything functions/tastes/smells better.
Step Five: Kill All Forms of Curiosity
Curiosity killed the cat right? Don’t be the cat. Stay on the beaten path and don’t venture too far, don’t explore the nooks or crannies of your new Italian city and definitely don’t go exploring around the country. That’s just asking for it. Don’t dare find out the reasons why things are done are certain way or what a certain expression means because ignorance is bliss.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones or at the Expat Life category on the sidebar:
Popular Posts on Dating and Relationships in Italy:
How to Lose an Italian Guy in 10 Days
The Differences Between Dating an Italian and a Canadian
What Do Italian Men Married to Non-Italian Women Have in Common?
Why Are There So Many American Girls with Italian Boys?
Why We Love Italian Boys
The Double Standard Between Italian Street Harassment and American
Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail?
Popular Posts about Language Struggles:
How to Fight and Make Love in Two Languages
Immunity to Accent Attractiveness: Can the Italian Accent Stop Being Sexy?
The English Stare and Getting "Englished" Living Abroad and How To Deal
What I'm Really Thinking While Speaking Italian as a Second Language
Popular Posts about General Expat Life:
My Hypothetical Italian Teenagers Won't Have Varsity Jackets or Homecomings
My Canadian Identity Abroad in Italy: The Conundrum
FIVE Ways I've Become More ITALIAN in Canada
Annoying Things Non-Canadians Say About Canada
Two Sides of the Italy Coin
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Daily Things I Never Did Before Moving to Italy
You don’t need to a learn a word of this ugly language, most Italians speak English anyways and you don’t want to be friends with those that don’t. No one is forcing you to listen to Radio Italia 24/7 and it’s to your advantage that you and your mother-in-law can only be physically passive aggressive, verbal arguments are overrated. You don’t care much for inside jokes or for eavesdropping on conversations around you and there’s always Google Translate to fall back on.
Step Two: Only Make Expat Friends OR Only Make Italian Friends
Take it to the extreme and isolate one of the two demographics- to hell with a balanced mix of expat and Italian company, you only want to hang out with expats or with English-speaking Italians. Hanging out with only Italians is the best way to integrate right? You don’t want anything that could possibly remind you of your old life. Or on the other hand, be so nostalgic and homesick that you surround yourself with expats who get all your cultural references and your dirty jokes and talk about your love for Target, frappuccinos and brunch and your hate for the Questura, lack of lines, and bureaucracy. Constant stewing on what you don’t have in your current life is the key to happiness.
Step Three: Compare Yourself to Other Italy-Expats
This is really the way to go in order to see how your expat life in Italy measures up to the global standard. You can see whether your job, house, pet, Vespa is up to snuff with the Rossi’s, this keeping up with the Jones mentality can only leave you feeling great about yourself. Remember that all expats follow the exact same route with the same obstacles and opportunities so it’s easy to compare.
Step Four: Be Inflexible
Don’t adapt! NEVER ADAPT! The country and the situations you find yourself in MUST ADAPT TO YOU and your expectations or needs. Insist on this. Get angry at the system for the way it works and keep trying to do things the “way it is back home”. In fact, use the phrase “back in _____________(insert country of origin)” as many times a day as possible and say it loudly and obnoxiously so everyone is aware that back in _______________, life is so much better than in Italy and that back in ________________, everything functions/tastes/smells better.
Step Five: Kill All Forms of Curiosity
Curiosity killed the cat right? Don’t be the cat. Stay on the beaten path and don’t venture too far, don’t explore the nooks or crannies of your new Italian city and definitely don’t go exploring around the country. That’s just asking for it. Don’t dare find out the reasons why things are done are certain way or what a certain expression means because ignorance is bliss.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones or at the Expat Life category on the sidebar:
Popular Posts on Dating and Relationships in Italy:
How to Lose an Italian Guy in 10 Days
The Differences Between Dating an Italian and a Canadian
What Do Italian Men Married to Non-Italian Women Have in Common?
Why Are There So Many American Girls with Italian Boys?
Why We Love Italian Boys
The Double Standard Between Italian Street Harassment and American
Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail?
Popular Posts about Language Struggles:
How to Fight and Make Love in Two Languages
Immunity to Accent Attractiveness: Can the Italian Accent Stop Being Sexy?
The English Stare and Getting "Englished" Living Abroad and How To Deal
What I'm Really Thinking While Speaking Italian as a Second Language
Popular Posts about General Expat Life:
My Hypothetical Italian Teenagers Won't Have Varsity Jackets or Homecomings
My Canadian Identity Abroad in Italy: The Conundrum
FIVE Ways I've Become More ITALIAN in Canada
Annoying Things Non-Canadians Say About Canada
Two Sides of the Italy Coin
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Daily Things I Never Did Before Moving to Italy
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