An Open Letter to Native Speakers of the Language I'm Learning

10/4/2017

This is an open letter to native speakers of a target language that English-speakers are trying to learn, dedicated to a specific friend (you know who you are) as well as all those of you who get “Englished” on a daily basis:

Dear Native Speaker of my Desired Target Language,

Did you know that the average number of words that an intermediate speaker of a language knows is anywhere from 2000-4000? I’ve been talking to you the entire soccer game in ____________(Italian in my case, but insert any target language here). I made the assumption that you could sense my enthusiasm, my efforts, and my ability to communicate with you. We did not struggle to understand each other which is why I felt my heart literally sink to my stomach when you requested “the English menu” at the restaurant. I have lived here, I live here, I conjugated irregular verbs in the present, past, and future tense, and even tried using the subjunctive during our conversation. So all I want to do is scream is “WTF”. Why, after all this, did you think I would want the English menu? If you felt that this gesture would make me feel more comfortable, let me assure you, it doesn’t. It keeps me in the corner, the non-integrated, expat corner, and I want you to know now…nobody puts Baby in the corner! What seems like a favor to an English-speaker living in a different country has the opposite effect to that which was intended, it is detrimental not only to language acquisition but to self-confidence. If you didn’t do it for my convenience, that leaves us with one of two options for motive. If you did it to show off, stop it. If you’re speaking English constantly, despite my attempts to use ____________(target language), then I can only assume that this is a show of bravura, in which case let’s get this out of the way: *applause and cheers*. There’s your praise, but I don’t want an encore thank you very much. The third possible option for incessant English is that you want to practice. Unless I’m seeing your face through a computer screen and there is an iTalki logo somewhere, this is not a language exchange. If we’ve just met and we don’t have an “I teach you, you teach me” agreement, what makes you assume that I’m automatically your new private mothertongue teacher? If that’s what you think this is, let me start the clock, I charge by the hour. I just want to be a normal girl, out for beers with friends, old and new, in the country that I live in, in the language that I live in.

One more thing before I go: I want to tell you that I am not defined by the one word that I don’t know. Just because we were talking and I had to stop and ask how to say A WORD does not negate the other 2000 words in my head. This in no way is a plea to switch to English. I fail to understand how “come si dice _______ in italiano?” is somehow magically translated into “OMG help me, I’ve lost all ability to speak so please, please speak to me in English!”. This is not what I’m asking, what I’m asking is for you to help me make those words in my head 2001.

If you, dear Italian English-learner, come to Canada. I will happily speak to you in English even though I can hear your Italian accent. I know that this is why you are here. Yes, I studied Italian, I speak Italian, and we could easily have a lovely chit-chat in Italian but I am taking my cue from you. Should you choose to switch, by all means, let’s switch. Should you switch-back, well, I’m right behind you. You crossed the ocean for this adventure, for this challenge and it is my duty, as a native Canadian, to give you the chance to grow your language skills and bask in authenticity. So please, follow my lead when it’s the other way around.

Love,
Every language-learner, expat, immigrant that ever existed

P.S. Here are the situational circumstances where I’m willing to make an exception:

there is someone amongst our group who does not understand the target language therefore English must be the lingua franca out of respect
we have agreed to speak English as part of a language exchange or I am your legitimate teacher
my skill level is causing a legit inconvenience in the conversation because you actually cannot decipher any meaning at all from my sentences

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
The English Stare and Getting "Englished" Living Abroad and How To Deal
What I'm Really Thinking While Speaking Italian as a Second Language
Taking Risks in Language Learning
Language Burnout
The Gift of Language: Italian and Beyond
The Neverending Story of Learning Italian
Living in Italy, Speaking in English
Parli Italiano?
How to Keep Learning Italian in Italy
The Sex Appeal of the Erre Moscia: Endearing or Annoying?

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Marisa Franca @ All Our Way link

10/4/2017 03:31:16 pm

Brava!!! It needed to be said. Our Italian exchange student from hell did not work out. She came to the US to learn and all we heard was how much better it was in Italy. The first thing she told my daughter who was 15 at the time was only prostitutes wear red nail polish. My daughter was wearing red nail polish. Let's just say that set the tone. Sharing and learning from each other is what it's all about. Abbracci!!

Jasmine

10/4/2017 03:39:45 pm

Thanks, I know it was a bit bold but after one two many experiences, combined with the same of my other friends living here, I thought it was enough to make a generalization. That's too bad about your exchange student, if there is one thing I detest it is close-mindedness and lack of curiousity towards others and the world in general. Uffa!

Diane link

10/4/2017 03:41:26 pm

Amen! Aside from bullet point #3, native speakers should just stay in their native language! Luckily out in the boonies where I live, no one switches to English because they don't know it well enough to do so, but if they did, I think my frustration would be boiling over. I echo all of your sentiments here!! Great job!

10/4/2017 03:43:29 pm

Diane, thanks, I had a long discussion about this with another expat here and after hearing all the times it's happened to her, I just HAD to write this!

Fkasara link

10/4/2017 05:55:22 pm

These are interesting observations and I totally understand your need to feel involved and part of the local community, I really do. But I think you should also consider the "history" of Italy: people here are still not used to migration from "richer countries", like Canada and the USA, so when they hear a North-American accent, they automatically assume you're a tourist and they try to be "kind" in their own way. Italians are very aware that Italian is not a widespread language, so when they hear "a foreigner's accent", they start to speak slower or they try with English if they know a bit of it (not like in France for example: if you go there as a tourist and you try to communicate in English, most of them keep speaking French, because they assume you should know it, lol).
So yeah, there's also some sort of inferiority complex concerning Italian and people here honestly think one is not supposed to know it, because it's not "an important language". Just to give you an example, I have a Finnish friend who is studying Italian just because she loves our culture and most of my local friends were like: "Why in the hell is she doing that, Italian is not useful!"/ "Why in the hell one should study Italian!?" Etc. LOL. Locals truly ignore Italian is actually the 4th most studied language in the world! :D

So yeah, if you go to restaurants and people give you an English menu or try to speak in your native language, I don't think they are acting rude on purpose, they probably think you're a tourist for the reasons I mentioned before. But if there are people that know your story and act like that...well, they're acting wrong obviously.
Consider also that most people have never lived in a foreign country and maybe they do not comprehend your need to feel integrated. If you try with "mortacci vostra", maybe they'll stop doing that, haha!

Sorry for the VERY long comment, I thought maybe the perspective of the insider could be useful xx

10/4/2017 08:20:06 pm

Thanks for your input Sara! In fact I agree with you, it's perfectly normal to maybe give someone an English menu if you hear them speaking English or if you hear their accent in Italian even, I suppose. This issue was actually more about people who know that you speak Italian, they know you live in Italy and they CONTINUE to speak in English to you. And I mean, they continue to speak in English even when you speak in Italian. So the conversation is like them speaking English and me speaking Italian. This is what I really don't understand. There have been Italians who, after hearing my husband and I speaking Italian to each other, interrupt our conversation in English and speak to him in English and HE IS ITALIAN!!! It's so strange.

10/5/2017 02:20:35 pm

Oh I see, and wow, that sounds rude! It seems like they want to show off :/

It's a first for me honestly, I never heard these things happening, but maybe it's because I live in a small reality and there are not a lot of locals speaking English. It's the opposite situation here: I often find myself helping English-speaking people in the bus or at the station, because they know little Italian and locals keep speaking Italian to them xD And the people who hang out with intercultural couples always speak Italian to them.

Thank you for this post, it was really interesting for me!

10/5/2017 02:39:45 pm

It does right? Yes, maybe the dynamic is different because of where you live. In Bergamo and Milan, most young people speak English so they try to use it all the time with expats that already speak Italian. I have absolutely no problem with regards to speaking English to help tourists or anyone who doesn't speak Italian, of course in this case it's the polite thing to do.

Domenic Savaglio link

10/4/2017 08:03:17 pm

This is awesome!! I have heard this rhetoric amongst so many Italian as a second language speakers (myself included). I understand that giving me services in English is accommodating (and I appreciate it!), but sometimes it's a disservice to people who are continually looking to improve their foreign language. My best advice? Keep responding in Italian :)

10/4/2017 08:22:28 pm

Domenic, your advice is on point. That's what I do. It gets really weird when they keep insisting though. Ahaha. If I'm a tourist, I think that's one thing maybe and I can overlook the services being provided in English. It's when this goes on in everyday expat life, daily life, that irks me.

10/5/2017 06:39:44 pm

Ciao, Jasmine! I know I've already written but I know how you like to read and I just came across a book that sounds fascinating. The author is Donatella Di Pietrantonia and her recent novel is L'Arminuta. Her earlier books do come in German and English but this latest one is only in Italian. I'm going to search for it.

10/10/2017 12:27:33 pm

Marisa, so sorry, I did that thing where I responded in my head! What is it about? Let me know how it is!!! Sounds intriguing indeed!

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