After a short dry spell there (hey, it's all relative), I am back with another love story for you and just in time for the holidays. What's a better gift than sharing some love right? Sometimes I can't decide if these couples that I have the honor of connecting with exist in real-life, that's how incredible their journeys are. Today I have Bianca, who grew up and was educated in New York, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania, and Luca, originally from Sassuolo but now finishing up his post-secondary studies in Milan. It was love at first smile for these two who broke all the rules of shared accommodation and fell for each other as if it were a Hallmark movie plot- Bianca was Luca's AirBnB host. Over the past 10 months, they have been in 7 countries together and lucky for me, they've found themselves in Milan for Christmas! Bianca, as a fellow lover of words and the power of language, has written a beautiful account of their jet-setting story so I'll leave the floor to her now...

Where are you from and where is your significant other from? 
I was born on Long Island, NY and have spent my childhood and college years in NY, Massachusetts, and Pennsylvania. Luca is a Sassuolo native, and moved to Milan for his undergraduate, graduate, and now postdoctoral years.

Where and when did you meet your significant other? 
In my living room, where he had been pretending to be typing on his laptop while sitting on the couch and I had just come out of the first-floor bathroom.
 
He has since pointed out that with all his computer engineer workstations, have I ever seen him using his computer on the couch? Rather true. He had positioned himself in a public space so that he could finally meet his Airbnb host. He had already been at the house for a few nights before we met, but as I really never expected to fall madly in love with my guest, I hadn't prioritized our meeting in person.

Curator's Note: I'm just picturing Luca there typing nonsense words on his laptop onto a blank Word document (that's how I see it in my head).

Who made the first move? 
Well, my Airbnb inbox shows that Luca was the one who first sent me the unpersonalized stock message requesting to stay for 3 months as a visiting PhD student at a nearby university. He actually booked another place successfully, and then was messaged back with information that his reservation was cancelled. His second choice was then no longer available. Unlucky! Then, my listing!
 
But after our fateful internet introductions, I like the version of the story where our inevitable love was moved along by my intentional but very modest overtures of affection and interest. I have text transcripts that show anguished messages written to friends asking if there was an Airbnb policy against confessing your love to a guest.
 
One poignant story that demonstrates my romantic cunning is the Luca Birthday Party. I found out his birthday was a mere couple weeks after he first entered my living room and life, and so I promptly reserved him for a future birthday party where I would have an excuse to take him out. I told a few friends, and busied myself with “preparations.” But as I fell more in love with him, I unilaterally cancelled the birthday party without telling Luca, planning instead to “aw gee, Dean and Aaron aren't available this is so disappointing but I can still take you out to dinner how about that [I LOVE YOU] is 7 okay?”

But he kissed me first.

Curator's Note:  First off, what's the answer as to the Airbnb question?  Second, I also like your version where you seduce him with your sly lies. 

If your significant other was the "foreigner"in the situation in which you met where did you initially think he was from? 

I didn’t even know Luca was an Italian name when he had first reached out on Airbnb. I have invested my life in studying East Asia, Southern Africa, Central Asia, and Turkey and the Middle East. Basically, not Western Europe. I wrote off Italy after having traveled through every major European city and becoming distracted instead by less “overrated” destinations (e.g. Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan). So I knew Luca was hailing from Milan, but literally thought nothing of it. Other than the fact that he asked if the kitchen had pots and pans and I wrote back that yes, he could cook his spaghetti fettuccine with a winkle emoji (I’m really terrible, but getting better).

Curator's Note:  I will be needing to speak to Luca about this spaghetti fettuccine. 

What was your first impression of him?
Love at first sight, then more love at first word, and then absolutely gone when I saw that smile. Oh dear, he had me. We both smile a lot and laugh easily. He has a cute bouncy way of speaking; instead of what could be an American monotone he punctuates his words with a sort of bravado that makes his sentences more impactful than they normally would be. 

Curator's Note: I have noticed that so many Italians have such drop-dead gorgeous smiles and they almost never have had braces. Genetics? 

​Where do you live now? 
A question I receive about every 2 months from concerned/confused friends. We are based out of Milan, but I work in China for part of the year, and return to NY semi-often. Honestly it comes down to where your stuff is, right? So my material life is still in the basement of one of my houses in Philadelphia, most of my family is spread out over 3 boroughs of NY, my adorable nephew and niece are in Denver, but my love is in Milan and so is my electric toothbrush so that’s home for me.

Curator's Note: That last line should be on a greeting card. Although thinking about it, perhaps just the location of your electric toothbrush is enough to pinpoint "home", at least it is for me! 

Have you learned each other's languages?
In progress! Luca came to me already speaking English fluently, and whatever “holes" there were I quickly identified and promised that with me by his side, he would soon speak with the American accent he always idealized! My strategy was to make myself indispensable by teaching him the all-important words such as “robe” and “squirrel.” Actually, he would counter that with stories about how I taught him the wrong things on purpose so that I could create inside jokes between us, thus winning his heart.
 
I’ve learned Turkish and Chinese, but Italian is completely stumping me with its obsession with vowels. If Luca would just leave me with his grandma in Sassuolo I might learn faster, but perhaps he’s concerned instead I might dredge up all of the Spanish words I once knew in a confusing maelstrom of sound. But as it were his entire Milanese social circle is composed of the most highly-educated folks in Italy, fluent in English and all the slang and colloquialisms. So once I return from China and another trip to the US and maybe a short Balkan New Year’s tour (I’m writing from Hong Kong now), I will start back up with Italian classes, and try to stop saying yani and tamam so often in the classroom. Luca has picked up more Turkish mannerisms, masallah, than I have with Italian. 

Curator's Note: the only thing I can say is that I WISH I had this issue - as in, that I were too linguistically talented that it became a hurdle to learning Italian. I refuse to help my husband anymore because he must not lose his endearing accent which is more or less half the reason why I married him in the first place. So I only laugh at his mistakes now and refuse to tell him the correct way to say things. 

Any advice for mixed/long-distance couples?
Our greatest cultural difference may be that Luca is 100% engineer, and I am a diehard liberal arts evangelist. Our first meeting of the minds was when I declared myself a recreational engineer of intercultural communication from the training I received in the relationship.

Our second mixed cultural aspect is that I am Protestant and he is Catholic. Thankfully, I began to endear myself towards Catholics in college, by hanging out in the Catholic part of the fellowship hall because they usually had better snacks and games.

The toughest one yet may be that I have miraculously inherited the Italian work ethic and he, the American one, at least representative in terms of working hours. But we are working on striking a balance where I don’t start my aperitivi until a reasonable time has passed since lunch.

And then there’s the Italian/American, White/Asian bit. My humble advice to the non-Italian part of the couple:

Curators note: SO MUCH YES HERE. 

- Refrain from calling tortellini in brodo “tortellini soup.”

- Gnocchi is not pasta, prosciutto is not ham.

- Wine is not served at just two temperature categories, but all the gradations in between.

- If you’ve been to Italy before, go again. Better yet, move there.

- If you are recommended not to “fill up on bread,” it is not the same admonition from your mother who is anxiously watching your Asianish figure plumpen. It is because there are still seven more courses.

- Try to relate to each other on “culturally neutral ground;” travel to “third-party countries” for holidays so that you’re both off of home turf. In 10 months we have been in 7 different countries together—an absolute privilege to explore our surroundings with one another as our closest cultural complement!

- Trust intention. I can’t embrace this mindset enough—the person who has the closest thing to unconditional positive regard for me of course did not mean to slight my feelings by choosing that word. Stop coddling your pride, Bianca, and let your wounded emotions be released from the self-righteous grip that clear communication holds on you. I’m a stickler for words, and a lover of words, but I can only pity myself on the occasions when I choose to love words over Luca’s honest heart for me. Trust intention.

- You can wear the ugly sneaker-boots and not heels if you want to.

In all seriousness, I think one of the most difficult things about transplanting yourself into a different world, descriptive of all folks who have experienced such things, is the disappearance of perhaps much of the achievement you’ve worked towards in your life thus far. The material and institutional accolades from which you derive value may not be so neatly transferred into your adopted culture. In my case, I was an Ivy League graduate and a Fulbright grantee, but Luca and his world had heard of neither, nor of the other accomplishments that I had been conditioned to think were of the right stock. When I moved into his world I found myself the only one who didn’t have technical skills, an engineering PhD, the common language, or even knowledge of the food we were eating. Simply put, we learn to walk again, trying anew to find cultural purchase in a world slow to recognize us. It may be obvious to say, but my most earnest advice is to support one another. Taking baby steps after you’ve run a marathon is not invigorating, it’s rather humbling and will be an excellent time of growth if you support one another with a fervor for understanding the contours of each others’ experience.

Curator's Note: this last part, especially the commentary on the disconnect between North American "markers" of success and those of other cultures and being forced to put on your humble hat really hit home for me. Honestly, reading it gave me shivers. I don't think we've had a submission that has ventured into this area and so I am truly grateful to Bianca for writing these words. 

Submitted by Bianca. 

Here's how you can connect with her:
Blog: https://thetravelerstoolkit.com
Instagram: bianca.sue.brown
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Bianca.Sue.Brown
​

First off, disclaimer on this post. I realize some readers might be against flirting if you’re in a relationship or married so if you’re morally against flirting, this is probably not the advice for you. As well, let’s just be clear kids, flirting is not kissing, or getting in cars with strangers, or exchanging text messages beyond the moment of context. That being said, I tend to side with Berlusconi on the issue of flirting – a little doesn’t hurt, in fact, it’s part of human nature – and I’m cool with it, as long as like Bublé says, my darling saves the last dance for me (and remembers who he’s coming home with at that!). So let’s get to it.

​I wanted to write this post for the ladies. Yes, for the ladies that are learning Italian and that are living in Italy. I know that’s a very small group of us but I think it’s probably 99% of my readership.  Through talking with friends over the past four years, there’s one thing I’ve noticed: women have a harder time with the language. Most of the women I know here in Italy came because of an Italian connection and that connection is normally tall, with sparkly eyes and excellent facial hair. Jokes aside, what we get a lot of the time is a worldly English-speaking lass with an Italian fellow who speaks English pretty well or has learnt to speak English well over the relationship. But somehow, we, the gentler gender, get left behind in the dust. And then we struggle, we STRUGGLE with our lives in Italy, to get over that block. This is because as women, we are worried about embarrassing ourselves in public. That’s essentially what it is- we don’t want to look stupid and we feel like everyone is judging us and so the fall-back of English is so comfortable. Much of the advice we are given, in language learning is to just “put yourself out there”, “don’t be afraid of making mistakes”, etc. Easier said than done, when your heart is beating out of your chest and you can’t even think straight in any language, not even your own. It’s hard AF to go out the door in search of interactions with Italians, especially strangers. There’s only so much you can say to the lady ringing in your toilet paper, or to the man cutting your prosciutto.  Many friends I meet say they don’t have opportunities to practice speaking whether because their significant other always speaks English or their circle of friends has gotten into the habit of speaking English as well. But there IS a foolproof way to practice and I’ve decided to share this little tid-bit with you.

YOU NEED TO FLIRT.
 
Using the concept of flirting to help your language skills is has multiple advantages. One, YOU have the upper hand because you’re the girl and it’s ITALY and because you have the upper hand, you immediately get rid of that fear of feeling stupid or making a fool of yourself because you’re not there to impress anyone. Go into it thinking that your target Italian boy is there to impress YOU because that’s the truth.  Two, it is an excellent way to engage in prolonged conversation. I thought to write this post because yesterday I had a wonderful 30 minute conversation session in a Foot Locker with not one, but two dudes. Your interlocutor doesn’t need to know your marital status, actually save it until the very end and he’ll talk your ear off. Third advantage is that you have a lesser chance that the person you’re flirting with will change languages on you (note: before attempting this strategy, I think it’s best if you’re around a B-level, B2 would be best of course but you need to be able to string together sentences otherwise your flirting partner is going to start speaking English to you, especially if they are a younger Italian). As long as you’re engaging in Italian, your Italian flirting partner is going to keep going in Italian because OBVIOUSLY everyone feels more comfortable in their native tongue. And if he thinks the situation has potential and that he needs to keep impressing you, he’s going to keep chatting in Italian. Sidenote: if having a flirting partner your age still makes you super nervous, GO OLDER. I know this sounds mildly creepy but older men make fantastic conversationalists, I’m talking someone that looks like he could be a nonno. You won't feel nervous at all because it's like talking to your grandpa. I know that the signore you're talking to might not agree but he doesn't have to know what you're thinking and that you're using him to test out the newest vocabulary you just learnt. 
 
How to find the perfect flirting partner you ask? Well, if you’ve come to Italy, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve had the best chats with salespeople in shops that are not extremely busy. Don’t pick a shop that’s too snooty or expensive because the guys working it in are usually the former adjective. You need to do something like a Decathlon or Leroy Merlin. I have never gone into Leroy Merlin without having an extended conversation about anti-muffa products followed by an offer of coffee and friendship. You’ll need to ask a question or at least look like you have a question. Go into Foot Locker and pick up shoe after shoe, for example. If you don’t want to be the initiator of the conversation, take advantage of your local bar.  Go there, grab a cappuccino and do it without any distractors. What I mean by that is NO PHONE, NO BOOK, NO NEWSPAPER, NOTHING.  Remember that episode where Carrie goes to a restaurant without her computer, her "armor", that's you now. If there’s anyone who looks conversation-worthy and not like a stalker or serial rapist, give him (or her!) a few quick glances and keep sipping your drink. I almost guarantee you someone is going to come talk to you. I would be extremely surprised if this tactic does not work, I’m almost tempted to put money on it. 

And there you have it, flirting is one of my favourite tactics to learn and advance my Italian and I really hope it can help you as well, especially if it’s never crossed your mind to take advantage of! 

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Boasting beautiful architecture, delicious food and fine wine – Italy is an alluring destination if you're thinking about moving (1). Perhaps you just need a change of scenery, or maybe you will be relocating for a new job or a transfer within your present company. No matter what your reasons for choosing Italy as your next place of residence, you're sure to enjoy all that the country has to offer.
 
Yet, before you can settle in and begin savoring all the sights and sounds, you'll need to take care of the logistics that come with an international move. Though many people choose to hire an experienced transport company to handle all the heavy lifting - it's advisable that you at least familiarize yourself with the documents you'll need, the duties you'll pay and the regulations you must follow. Otherwise, when it comes time to clear Italian customs, you could be in for a rude awakening or long delays.

Bringing Your Household Goods Through Customs

Many countries impose import duties and taxes, when moving your belongings through customs. Fortunately, Italy is lenient in this regard – allowing you to be exempt from these as long as you follow a few simple requirements. First, you must have lived outside of Italy for the last 12 months at minimum.
 
Second, you must have owned and personally used these goods for at least the last year. Third, you must import them within 6 months of moving into the country. Lastly, you are not permitted to give away, sell or even let others borrow these goods for the entirety of your stay within Italy. If you meet these straightforward rules, then your shipment should be free of any import duty or taxes (2).

That said, it isn't clear if the Value-Added Tax (VAT) of 22% will be exempted or not (3). This VAT may only be charged on new items that aren't eligible for duty exemption, or it may be levied on all items regardless of their age or duty status. To determine if your particular shipment will incur this extra charge, it's best to just speak with Italian customs directly.
 
Learn more about the various requirements here.
 

Regulations For Your Household Goods

Clearing your shipment through Italian customs means that you must adhere to all the regulations which they impose. One such regulation is the handling of moisture absorbing bags, or other products designed to keep mold from growing or absorb excess humidity. These products are often included in international shipments to prevent mold growth and keep humidity from damaging the items within the container.
 
If your shipment includes any of these products, you must declare these to Italian customs. You must also show the certificate verifying that they've been analyzed, and this should enumerate what materials the products contain. Finally, the certificate is required to verify that no dimethyl fumarate is present, as concluded by a fully accredited UNI CEI EN ISO/IEC 17025 lab. You may also need to have this certificate translated into Italian, in addition to the copy that you'll present in English (4).
 
Documents For Your Household Goods
A large number of documents are also necessary, in order to process your shipment at the point or port where it will enter Italy. You'll need to show customs your passport and Residence Visa, along with your Work Permit. A complete inventory (written in Italian) is also required, and this must be signed by you and approved by the Italian consulate in your country of origin (5).
 
Other sources disagree, and state that this inventory must only be stamped by the Italian consulate if you're either a returning Italian citizen or a citizen of another EU member country. That said, the same source recommends that you have your inventory stamped regardless of your country of citizenship - in order to avoid issues when clearing customs. This inventory should also include a full description of all art and antiques within your shipment (6).
 
Dichiarazione Sostitutiva di Certificazione
The Dichiarazione Sostitutiva di Certificazione is also required documentation, and it should state how many people are in your family and your origin country of residence. It should also name your origin city and when you established residency within Italy (7).
 
Residency Certificate and More
You'll also need to show customs your Fiscal Number (Codice Fiscale), which you must get through the Italian Ministry of Finance (8). A Residency Certificate is also required, though this covers the same information as the Dichiarazione Sostitutiva di Certificazione (9).
 
Therefore, it's possible they are one and the same - though Dichiarazione Sostitutiva di Certificazione roughly translates as “statement in lieu of certification” - so it seems to be a separate document (10). Also, this document is to be provided by your destination agent (shipping company or third-party customs agent most likely), so again it appears to be distinct and separate from the Residency Certificate.
 
This type of confusion throws into sharp relief, the need to work with a qualified international moving company, who will be knowledgeable about the paperwork involved when moving to Italy. It's also prudent to contact Italian customs before sending your shipment, to ensure that you have all of the appropriate paperwork squared away.
 
Permit To Stay
A Permit to Stay issued by the Police Office Foreign Department must also be submitted to customs, along with your Autocertificazione. This document is your personal statement, which says that you're changing residence from your origin country to Italy. It also details the status of your family (though what this should state isn't clarified) and lists the monetary value of the items you're importing.
 
Other Documents
Customs will also want to see either your Original Bill of Lading or Air Waybill, along with a Power of Attorney (giving your shipping company permission to act on your behalf). You'll need to show a letter from your employer, which should verify that you have a valid work contract in place and when this goes into effect (11). Finally, a Mandato procura Importatore is required before your container can be released (though this may only be needed for enclosed containers) (12).
 
EORI Number
Now required for all shipments passing through customs in EU member countries, you'll need to apply for and obtain your own Economic Operators Registration and Identification (EORI) number. Otherwise, your shipment will not be authorized to proceed into the country (13).
 
Bringing Your Vehicle Through Customs

Though many countries around the world impose significant import duties and taxes on vehicles – Italy allows you to be exempted from these added costs. As long as you've owned the vehicle for a minimum of six months and have lived outside of Italy for at least a year – your used personal vehicle can be imported without paying duty.
 
Be aware that the vehicle must be for your own personal use (commercial use vehicles are not duty exempt), and that customs does prefer you to have purchased the vehicle at least 12 months ago (though this isn't required). Also, you won't be permitted to sell the vehicle, rent it out or give it away for one full year after bringing it into the country (14). Finally, it must adhere to European technical standards, in order to be eligible for duty exemption (15).
 
If for any reason your vehicle doesn't meet these standards, then you'll be charged a 10% import duty on the CIF value of the vehicle. In addition, a Value-Added Tax (VAT) in the amount of 22% will be assessed – though this appears to only apply to returning Italian citizens (16). To clarify what fees will be applicable to your situation, contact Italian customs to learn more.
 
Documents For Your Vehicle
The paperwork you submitted for your household goods, is not sufficient to clear your vehicle through customs. In addition to your passport, Original Bill of Lading or Air Waybill – you'll also have to provide other documentation.
 
This includes the title and registration for the vehicle (no copies allowed). Paperwork demonstrating that you're the owner is also required, and a purchase invoice would likely be acceptable for this purpose. This must show that you've owned the vehicle in question for at least the last six months, in order to be eligible for import duty exemption.
 
You must also provide proof of insurance which is valid within Italy, and a technical data sheet. This document is from the company which manufactured your vehicle, and lists its features and its adherence to EU technical standards. A Certificate of Residence is also mandatory, and you can obtain this from the city hall in the municipality where you'll be residing within Italy (17).

Written by Jay Mueller. 

SOURCES:
(1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italy
(2) Found on Atlas Int'l “Importing Personal Property Into Italy” page
(3) http://www.iamovers.org/ResourcesPublications/CountryGuides.aspx?ItemNumber=3666
(4) Ibid.
(5)Found on Moverscom “Customs Regulations – Italy” page
(6) http://www.iamovers.org/ResourcesPublications/CountryGuides.aspx?ItemNumber=3666
(7) Ibid.
(8) Found on Atlas Int'l “Importing Personal Property Into Italy” page
(9) Found on Moverscom “Customs Regulations – Italy” page
(10) https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/translator
(11) Found on Moverscom “Customs Regulations – Italy” page
(12) Found on Atlas Int'l “Importing Personal Property Into Italy” page
(13) Ibid.
(14) Ibid.
(15) http://www.iamovers.org/ResourcesPublications/CountryGuides.aspx?ItemNumber=3666
(16) Ibid.
(17) Ibid.

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