Day 1: INVITE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS OVER TO WATCH HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS DURING LA PARTITA (THE GAME).
You only have one television so make sure you insist that he watch the movie with you. This will be more effective if the game is a semi-final or final, or ideally a match between arch rival teams of the same city known as a “derby”. Example: Inter vs. Milan.
Day 2: SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND INFORM HIM OF YOUR LIFETIME LOYALTY TO BIRKENSTOCKS WITH SOCKS.
Italians are really big on appearances and FOR THE MOST PART (there are exceptions as always), your typical Italian boy is a fan of femininity so long hair and heels are always appreciated, a shaved head and orthopedics might not bode well with most.
Day 3: SHAMELESSLY FLIRT WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS AND TALK ABOUT YOUR EXES.
Flirting is actually not terribly looked-down upon in Italy, so you’ll have to be pretty outrageous with this. On the flip-side, Italians tend to be quite jealous and possessive in relationships so this’ll drive him nuts. Also, Italians do NOT want to think that you were with anyone else before them. In their minds you were a devout nun before you met.
Day 4: DENT HIS ALFA ROMEO/BMV/MERCEDES/AUDI.
Your Italian boy probably drives one of the above cars and it’s probably kept meticulously pristine. Back-up against something or better yet, ensure that he’ll have to replace an entire door and not just the bumper.
Day 5: START SWEARING AND DRINKING LIKE A SAILOR.
Italian boys like their girlfriends and wives to be ladies and excessive swearing or drinking makes them lose face in public and amongst friends and family so it’s a no-no which means it’s a yes-yes for our list.
Day 6: BE A PURITAN BETWEEN THE SHEETS.
So while you strike up the naughtiness in public, tone it WAY down in the bedroom. This is probably applicable for all men because what man doesn’t love S-E-X? Refuse to do anything with the lights on and lay like a limp string bean doing the only position you’ll allow: missionary.
Day 7: GO GLUTEN-FREE AS A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
If you’re a celiac, I’m sure he’ll understand though it might be exponentially harder to convince him for reasons other than medical. You could try going vegan as well and say you can’t eat in the presence of any type of non-vegan meal.
Day 8: SQUEAL WITH TERROR AND/OR MAKE VOMIT SOUNDS WHENEVER YOU SEE SMALL CHILDREN.
Like a good portion of any society, Italian men love family life and children and that’s not just the men. Italians as a population ADORE children and thus those that don’t are definitely seen as an anomaly.
Day 9: MAKE THE TV SERIES “HOARDING: BURIED ALIVE” LOOK LIKE A SCENE FROM THE MINIMALISTS DOCUMENTARY.
Italians are VERY clean and love cleanliness in everything (see Chilly Gel post) and most importantly, their living quarters. Houses are typically kept sparkling clean and could easily make a cameo in a Mr. Clean commercial as the “after” effect. If you don’t take care of your/his space and if he can’t eat spaghetti off the floor, he won’t be impressed.
Day 10: GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM BETWEEN HIS MOTHER AND YOU.
…and there you have it, you’re a free woman!
BONUS: I posed this question on my Instagram and on my Facebook page and the response was OVERWHELMING. Here are all YOUR suggestions on how to lose an Italian guy....
The Differences Between Dating an Italian and a Canadian
What Do Italian Men Married to Non-Italian Women Have in Common?
Why Are There So Many American Girls with Italian Boys?
Why We Love Italian Boys
The Double Standard Between Italian Street Harassment and American
Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail?