This is a post I've been thinking of writing for quite a while, but feared perhaps it might be a little too sassy. But then I thought about all the dirty talking posts that you guys loved (you filthy animals you), and the fact that if this is a topic that's crossed my mind before, it's most definitely crossed other minds. I've had this conversation privately amongst expat friends and also more in a more public nature by collecting your experiences and opinions via Instagram direct message. So I've categorized what everyone wrote me, mixed with this the experience of my friends and I, and now I give you this little list of how to make love like an Italian. I should say that most of the research, I'd say 98% of it, came from foreign women talking about Italian men or from Italian men themselves so let's say the observations are applicable to Italian men (sorry Italian ladies, I guess men don't kiss and tell as much as we females do!).
1. They make use of their tongues.
Hang on, I know what your dirty mind was thinking and actually....you're right. That's exactly what the "research" shows. Apparently those Italians are VERY TALENTED WITH THEIR TONGUES in all the right places. I'm not going to say where those places are. Ok, yes I am because I'm going to share an anonymous quote from one of our contributors to the research:
"My Italian lover was better at oral sex than any other. His tongue and touch were pure magic!"
I don't think there's much more we need to comment on here. The men seem to really enjoy themselves in the Netherlands (get it?) and this can be in contrast to their North American counterparts who often seem to prefer to get to the main event. I would actually love to know if the nature of the Italian language, the way its sounds are structured (the double consonants and the R sounds), has some kind of effect on the physical capabilities of the tongue in bedroom performances. As in, are Italians just naturally better at this activity because of practiced tongues? And clearly here, it would make the bigger difference if you're a female on the receiving end. It seems like it could be logically linked. Someone needs to do a study please. You could use native Spanish, Italians, and then mothertongue English speakers as the control.
2. They make use of their tongues in another way.
So the next thing that distinguishes Italians from others in the sack is that they are very good talkers- before, during, and after. They seem to know all the right things to say and even if they don’t, as long as they’re speaking in Italian, it works anyways! Italian language aside, your average Italian male crushes the competition when it comes to busting out the poetry and prose. The culture is completely founded on this. In school, Italian students have to memorize poetry. Most of them can still perfectly recite lines from The Divine Comedy on demand so you can imagine what else they have in their repertoire. What’s the difference between an Average American Male saying a line and an Average Italian Male saying the same line? See our next point.
3. They maintain eye contact.
Eye contact that burns into your soul and makes you FEEL ALL THE THINGS. This is also what make the line delivery different. When Italians do it, with eye contact and sincerity, you believe it. You more than believe it, you feel like you’re the first and only girl he’s ever said that thing to. That’s how good they are. So they really keep eye contact with you, even during S-E-X and inevitably, despite their performance, you’re coming away from it feeling like you “REALLY CONNECTED”. The continual eye contact is how you feel this connected to someone who doesn’t even speak English.
4. They are passionate and creative.
This one was given to me by an Italian boy but I think I have to agree. So much passion involved in whatever they do. If Italians love something, by golly, they don’t hold back on it. You know how you hear about girls reminiscing about those steamy sessions “back in the day” when you’d start making out with your high school boyfriend in the hallway because hormones were just running overtime? Here in Italy, it’s like that never changed. You’ll still see a lot of couples of all ages out in public, making out like teenagers. Recently, during a cemetery visit, I saw a couple going at it next to a tombstone. Just to address the creative, I think that this applies to the pre-making love part the most, when they are wining and dining you or creating amazing dates to take you on. Albeit, much of the time I think we have to give Italy herself credit in this because TBH, she helps a ton.
5. They can distinguish between making love and not.
America is inundated with porn and while Italians are definitely consumers of porn, I don’t think they have let themselves become as ‘affected’ by it as other male counterparts. In all my years in Italy so far, I have yet to talk to a girl who has hooked up with an Italian and come away from it feeling like she was used for one purpose only. I’m not saying that Italian guys don’t intentionally do this, because of course they do, but they are just really good at still making you feel like he’s “making love” to you and not just doing that gerund form of the verb that starts with an F. So you could argue that this is a bunch of trickery on their part but hey, if both parties come out of it with a smile on their face and a story to tell, by all means.
If this post got you in the mood, I'll just leave these right here...
The Guy's Guide to Talking Dirty in Italian
The Nasty Girl's Guide to Talking Dirty in Italian
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