I can’t claim to be an expert expat by any means, there are many more eternal expats who have moved from country to country over entire lifetimes. However, thanks to this blog I HAVE had the privilege of talking to these types of expats as well as new and potential expats moving to Italy. Over the past few years, I’ve formulated a bit of a theory as to how to determine whether you will be happy in your adopted country. Maybe I’ll be more specific and say Italy. Answer these questions to see if you’ll be a happy expat in Italy. These questions have to be answered after having already moved to and been here for at least a year. All you have to do is answer YES or NO to the following questions:
1. Do you speak enough Italian to open a bank account by yourself, sign up for a loyalty card, go to the doctor, talk your way out of a speeding ticket, hold dinner conversation with your Italian colleagues with ease?
(Note: I didn’t say with perfect grammar and vocabulary, but would you be able to work your way through these situations? FYI: These situations would normally fall under B1/B2 level. Just to give you an idea, to keep a work permit in Italy through the EU Blue Card program, you have to demonstrate A1 proficiency which is just beginner Italian)
2. Do you participate in a community-based activity?
(Examples might be school-related if you have children, but also attendance at church, a group exercise activity, etc..)
3. Do you have a bar/restaurant/place that is “your place”? (When you enter, the barista knows your drink or at least your name)
4. Are you able to continue all the hobbies you had in your own country or, if not, have you added new hobbies to your repertoire?
5. Same question as above, but with regards to physical activity (unless you didn’t do anything particular back home anyways!)
6. Do you have friends in your city who speak your native language?
7. Do you have friends who only speak Italian?
8. Do you feel like you have a purpose in your day-to-day life that also “fills up” your day?
(Note: this is not necessarily about having a job, if your purpose that “fills up” your day is honing your yoga practice and meal prepping, fantastic!)
9. Related to #1, but do you feel confident in carrying out ADL (activities of daily living) independently?
10. Proportionally do you love Italy, Italian culture and/or Italian language more than you hate it?
(Note: I know that it’s a love/hate relationship at the best of times, hence “proportionally-speaking”)
11. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, did you come to Italy willingly?
12. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, are you happy in your relationship?
If you answered NO to any of those questions, you may not be the happiest expat, am I right? I formulated the questions based on experience and people that I know that are either happy or unhappy in Italy. A lot of people who are unhappy have a lot of things in common, they typically might answer NO to one or more of the questions above whereas the happy people would likely answer YES to all of the questions. It’s not exactly rocket-science either, basically you just need to evaluate whether you feel like “you” in your new country. Yes, the surroundings are different and the language that you have to do everything in is different, but are you still the person that you were back “home”? Because I bet back home you had friends, you had hobbies, you exercised, you felt part of the community, you had a job or a purpose, good relationships, you were comfortable doing normal day-to-day tasks, and maybe most importantly, you did all of this independently! That’s essentially what the questions are focused on and it seems logical right?
1. Do you speak enough Italian to open a bank account by yourself, sign up for a loyalty card, go to the doctor, talk your way out of a speeding ticket, hold dinner conversation with your Italian colleagues with ease?
(Note: I didn’t say with perfect grammar and vocabulary, but would you be able to work your way through these situations? FYI: These situations would normally fall under B1/B2 level. Just to give you an idea, to keep a work permit in Italy through the EU Blue Card program, you have to demonstrate A1 proficiency which is just beginner Italian)
2. Do you participate in a community-based activity?
(Examples might be school-related if you have children, but also attendance at church, a group exercise activity, etc..)
3. Do you have a bar/restaurant/place that is “your place”? (When you enter, the barista knows your drink or at least your name)
4. Are you able to continue all the hobbies you had in your own country or, if not, have you added new hobbies to your repertoire?
5. Same question as above, but with regards to physical activity (unless you didn’t do anything particular back home anyways!)
6. Do you have friends in your city who speak your native language?
7. Do you have friends who only speak Italian?
8. Do you feel like you have a purpose in your day-to-day life that also “fills up” your day?
(Note: this is not necessarily about having a job, if your purpose that “fills up” your day is honing your yoga practice and meal prepping, fantastic!)
9. Related to #1, but do you feel confident in carrying out ADL (activities of daily living) independently?
10. Proportionally do you love Italy, Italian culture and/or Italian language more than you hate it?
(Note: I know that it’s a love/hate relationship at the best of times, hence “proportionally-speaking”)
11. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, did you come to Italy willingly?
12. If you’re in a relationship with an Italian person, are you happy in your relationship?
If you answered NO to any of those questions, you may not be the happiest expat, am I right? I formulated the questions based on experience and people that I know that are either happy or unhappy in Italy. A lot of people who are unhappy have a lot of things in common, they typically might answer NO to one or more of the questions above whereas the happy people would likely answer YES to all of the questions. It’s not exactly rocket-science either, basically you just need to evaluate whether you feel like “you” in your new country. Yes, the surroundings are different and the language that you have to do everything in is different, but are you still the person that you were back “home”? Because I bet back home you had friends, you had hobbies, you exercised, you felt part of the community, you had a job or a purpose, good relationships, you were comfortable doing normal day-to-day tasks, and maybe most importantly, you did all of this independently! That’s essentially what the questions are focused on and it seems logical right?
That being said, you have no idea how many e-mails or messages I get from frustrated expats and normally the problems start right at question one…unfortunately, like it or not, if you live in a country and don’t speak the language, at some point in your journey, it will start to become a huge burden because it limits your independence and therefore sense of self and self-confidence. It’s fun to go around every now and then and have someone do everything for you. It’s even fun in the beginning maybe to get flustered and stumble through situations as you get your bearings. But it’s not fun to have to have to wait to do something based on another person’s schedule because of a language barrier or to have limitations on what you can accomplish alone. This is when things become una rottura di palle for all parties involved. Sometimes resentment even starts to creep into the situation because after awhile, no adult wants to have another grown adult be completely dependent on them. Someone starts to feel like a parent in this situation and that's certainly a good way to kill the romance that Italy so easily provides. So as you may have guessed, language is still my number one piece of advice to potential or struggling expats since it has a domino effect on all the other aspects such as getting involved in your community, pursuing hobbies or exercise (maybe you feel intimated to enroll in group courses because of the language barrier, for example), and forming meaningful relationships with your local bar or restaurant or with colleagues.
Is there anything that you think I missed, other factors that are important or maybe you disagree with some? Let me know, as always, in the comments or via the Facebook page!
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Language Burnout
The Gift of Language: Italian and Beyond
The Neverending Story of Learning Italian
Living in Italy, Speaking in English
Parli Italiano?
How to Keep Learning Italian in Italy
Is there anything that you think I missed, other factors that are important or maybe you disagree with some? Let me know, as always, in the comments or via the Facebook page!
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
Language Burnout
The Gift of Language: Italian and Beyond
The Neverending Story of Learning Italian
Living in Italy, Speaking in English
Parli Italiano?
How to Keep Learning Italian in Italy
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