The Guy's Guide to Talking Dirty in Italian

I hate dirty talk.
-  no man ever. 

I hate hearing women talking dirty to me.
- no man ever. 

INTRODUCTION: Back for Part Two by popular demand, we are now going to tackle all the dirtiest things you can say in Italian and English if you're a dude. The original version of this post was written for the ladies and titled The Nasty Girl's Guide to Talking Dirty in Italian and I got awesome feedback from both sexes on it. ​​If any babies result from using this post, you are welcome to name them Jasmine. Jokes aside (I’m not joking though), I had a handful of men who were interested in how to dirty talk for their Italian signorina and I knew I couldn’t let them down. As such, this guide has been compiled in a collaborative effort using many Italian guys, in order to give you the most used, most authentic things you can say in bed. Of course many things are "repeats" from the last post, a lot of dirty talk is essentially unisex in English. You just have to be careful to change the endings for the Italian versions to suit the person you are talking about. As with the last post, this is VERY R-RATED so please be advised and don't read if you don't like this kind of stuff. 

Sidenote: Below is a screenshot from YAHOO Answers that I found while doing "research" for these posts. I just thought I'd include it to show how difficult it is to find these kinds of resources online or even people who are willing to divulge the information. It's interesting how the people that left "answers" said they "wouldn't want to be too dirty" (why the hell not?! That's what she's asking for!) or how "it wouldn't be appropriate to write vulgar or dirty Italian". Why do we have to be prudish about these things which probably 99% of men and women engage in and/or are turned on by?

SO I THINK IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING, BUT I'LL SAY IT ANYWAYS WITH A SUITS GIF BECAUSE MIKE AND RACHEL ARE LIFE:
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via GIPHY

ONE FINAL WARNING BEFORE YOU SCROLL DOWN, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
(I've decided to take out the asterisk(*) in the Italian version this time. As many people pointed out, it's difficult to know the missing letter if you're not a native Italian speaker and you're not familiar with the verbs. My original thought was that if you're not sure of the spelling or of the existence of these verbs, you probably shouldn't be dirty talking in Italian. However, for clarity purposes, here they are in their full glory, completely UNCENSORED.). 

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​PRE-GAME/FOREPLAY ​

You have no idea how sexy you are with _____________(ex: those heels). 
NON HAI IDEA DI QUANTO SEI SEXY CON _______________(ES: QUEI TACCHI). 

I've been wanting to jump you all night.
E' TUTTA LA SERA CHE VOGLIO SALTARTI ADDOSSO. 

You're killing me. 
MI STAI FACENDO MORIRE. 

I'm getting turned on. 
MI STO ECCITANDO. 

You can't even imagine what I'm going to do to you. 
NEMMENO IMMAGINI COSA HO INTENZIONE DI FARTI. 

Wanna get naked? (Let's get naked!)
CI SPOGLIAMO.

Your skin is like silk. 
LA TUA PELLE SEMBRA SETA. 

Your body is perfect.
IL TUO CORPO E' PERFETTO. 

Let's do it here.
FACCIAMOLO QUI. 
 

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Elena Damonsalvatore GIF from Elena GIFs

DOING THE DEED

Is this ok? 
VA BENE COSI'? 

Tell me what you want. 
DIMMI COSA TI PIACE

Fuck, it's so good/incredible .
CAZZO, E' INCREDIBILE. 
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Fuck, you're so tight. 
CAZZO, COME SEI STRETTA. 

You're so wet. 
COME SEI BAGNATA. 

Don't ever stop. 
NON SMETTERE MAI. 

I love how you taste. 
AMO IL TUO SAPORE. 

You're my little whore. 
SEI LA MIA PUTTANA/PUTTANELLA. 

I want those lips around me. 
VOGLIO QUELLE LABBRA SU DI ME. 

I'm gonna fuck you until you explode. 
TI SCOPERO' FINO A FARTI ESPLODERE DI PIACERE. 

Do you have a toy?
HAI QUALCHE ATTREZZO?

I'm close.
NO DIRECT TRANSLATION (see "I'm gonna come"). 

You're gonna make me come.
MI STAI FACENDO VENIRE.

I'm gonna come.
STO PER VENIRE.

I'm coming.
STO VENENDO.

SUB-CATEGORY: COMMANDS

Get on the bed. 
SALI SUL LETTO. 

Look at me. 
GUARDAMI. 

Bend over.
PIEGATI.

Arch your back. 
INARCA LA SCHIENA. 

Get on your knees. 
INGINOCCHIATI. 

Suck my cock/dick. 
SUCCHIAMI IL CAZZO. 

Suck it. 
SUCCHIALO. 

Put it in your mouth. 
METTILO IN BOCCA. 

Let me inside you. 
FATTI PENETRARE. 

Open your legs. 
APRI LE GAMBE.

Rub your clit/Touch yourself. 
TOCCATI.

Sit on my tongue/face.
METTIMELA IN FACCIA.

Come for me. 
VIENI PER ME. 
  

Ian Somerhalder Make Out GIF from Iansomerhalder GIFs

THE AFTERMATH (CUDDLETIME)
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Did I hurt you? 
TI HO FATTO MALE? 

That was amazing/That was fucking amazing.
CAZZO È STATO INCREDIBILE!

Let's do it again.
FACCIAMOLO ANCORA /DAMMELO ANCORA /SCOPAMI ANCORA.

I can keep going all night. 
POSSO ANDARE AVANTI PER TUTTA LA NOTTE.

I've missed you.
MI SEI MANCATA.  ​

Delena Damon GIF from Delena GIFs

Tvd Stelena GIF from Tvd GIFs

BONUS PHRASES FOR MEN
(PROVIDED BY ANONYMOUS FEMALE FRIENDS AS RESPONSES TO "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR IN BED FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND?"):

Do you think you can come like this?
CREDI DI POTER VENIRE IN QUESTO MODO? 

You  make me crazy.
MI FAI IMPAZZIRE.

Your body is insane.
IL TUO CORPO E' PAZZESCO. 
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You're so beautiful.
SEI BELLISSIMA. 
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I could go on forever. 
POTREI CONTINUARE PER SEMPRE. 

BONUS PHRASES FOR WOMEN
(an add-on to the previous guide, some of these were shared with me after the publication of the original post):

Please. 
TI PREGO. 

I'm your little whore. 
SONO LA TUA PUTTANELLA. 

I want your head between my legs. 
VOGLIO LA TUA TESTA FRA LE GAMBE. 

Acknowledgements:
A huge thank you to all of my amici italiani who will remain anonymous, for helping with this post and making sure to keep the dirty talk as authentic as possible to have you sounding more like Rocco and less like a badly-written B-roll film. 

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like to "dare un'occhiata" at these ones:
​The Differences Between Dating an Italian and a Canadian: Commentary by an Italian in Canada
The Differences Between Dating an Italian and a Canadian: Commentary by a Canadian in Italy

​What Do Italian Men Married to Non-Italian Women Have in Common?
Why Are There So Many American Girls with Italian Boys?
​Why We Love Italian Boys
​The Double Standard Between Italian Street Harassment and American
​Can Men and Women Be Friends? Here's How My Italian Colleagues Responded
​
Dating Diversity: Italy vs. Canada (and North America)
Cross-Cultural Dating: My First Jaw-Drop Moment with an Italian
Italian Men: The Unofficial Guide for Wives and Girlfriends
How to Snag (and Keep) an Italian Man
Asians and Italians…The Perfect Cross-Cultural Cocktail?
​How to Date an Italian Man or Woman (From The Iceberg Project) ​